Think of behaviour like smoke from a fire we can’t see. The
behaviour we see is the smoke. The fire is a brain that has registered
threat, and needs to be brought back to a felt sense of safety. The
question isn’t, ‘How do I stop the smoke?’ but, ‘What’s causing the
fire, and how can I stop it burning?’
The ‘fire’ is being fuelled by a felt sense of threat. ‘Threat’
isn’t about what is actually safe or not safe. It’s about what the
brain perceives. For any of us, ‘threat’ might be anything that comes
with any risk at all (real or perceived) of missing out on something
important, separation from friends or you or their important people,
judgement, humiliation, failure, disappointment or disappointing their
important people, interruption, waiting, unfairness or loss. ‘Threat’
can be physically driven (sensory overload or underload, pain,
exhaustion, hunger, possible physical danger), or relational (not
feeling seen or heard, not feeling valued, feeling replaced, not feeling
welcome, feeling disconnected from you or someone important).Young ones have the added force of nervous systems that haven’t got their full adult legs yet. When brains have a felt sense of threat, they will organise bodies for fight (this can look like tantrums, aggression, irritation, frustration), flight (can look like avoidance, ignoring, turning away) or freeze (can look like withdrawal, hiding, defiance, indifference, aloofness).
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Kathleen Notes: All behavior IS communication.
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- - Volume: 11 - WEEK: 3 Date: 1/18/2023 12:54:54 PM -