The Secret of Not Yelling When You`re Having a Bad Day

The Secret of Not Yelling When You`re Having a Bad Day

Yes, it is possible to stop yelling, and I`ve seen thousands of parents do it.

The secret is compassion.

For your child, of course. But start with compassion for yourself. You can`t be emotionally generous when you`re stressed, running on empty, feeling like you aren`t good enough.

We all know that when we`re stressed, we heighten the drama and make everything worse. But when we can calm ourselves, we calm the storm. We`re able to turn around whatever is happening with our children. Without yelling.

So when you notice that you`re feeling irritable, no shame, no blame. That`s just part of being human. We all have hard days.

Think of your irritation as a blinking light on your car dashboard. When you notice it, do you:

a) Redouble your efforts to control your child`s behavior, even if it’s giving you a headache and making you yell.

b) Flog yourself for not being good enough. Guess if this makes you yell less.

c) Pull out the wire so it stops blinking, and go have a drink. (This means just swallowing those upset feelings and numbing yourself, so they burst out later, or they make you sick.)

d) Say thank you for the signal, and use the opportunity to check in: What could you do right now to return yourself to a state of well-being, so you can be emotionally generous to your child?


Kathleen Notes: Start with self compassion...

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- - Volume: 11 - WEEK: 2 Date: 1/12/2023 12:12:45 PM -