But as a couples therapist who has worked with hundreds of couples, when I hear these concerns from a client I almost always try to steer him or her away from the concern itself, and more in the direction of a far more valuable question:
How would your partner respond if you brought this concern up directly with him or her?
I ask my client this question because I know that having an issue like any of those listed above can be very troublesome. And I also know that wherever that issue lies also exist many other issues. Being partnered with someone for a lifetime is a guarantee that as a couple you will face many such problems. So the problem itself is less important than the ability of the couple to work through it.
Clinical psychologist John Gottman found, in a now-famous 2002 longitudinal study aimed at predicting when a couple will divorce, that contempt is a common by-product of a lack of relationship skills. He also found that contempt is the strongest predictor that a couple will divorce....more
Kathleen Notes: Contempt is shown in many ways, but often as invalidation or a refusal to address problems.
- - Volume: 10 - WEEK: 37 Date: 9/8/2022 11:35:13 AM -