Reunited: Rebuilding a Marriage After Separation

Separations are traumatic. They undermine the foundations of trust and commitment necessary for a marriage to succeed. While every situation is different, one thing is the same: Reconciliation will not be possible without forgiveness.

But forgiveness does not mean we forget the offense. On the contrary, true forgiveness is only possible when, with the full depth of the offense before us, we choose to release the other person from restitution. It’s when we say, “What you did hurt me deeply. I have every right to make you pay, but because God has forgiven me, I choose to forgive you. No payment (or punishment) is necessary.”

If you’re in the process of rebuilding your marriage after a separation, you’ve likely already come to the point of forgiveness, which is wonderful. But don’t be surprised if you find yourself having to forgive again and again as secondary layers of pain come to the surface.

For example, you may have forgiven the affair but find yourself in tears one day over the realization of a lie used to cover it up. This is normal. Traumatic events can rarely be processed as a whole. You may feel pressure to “move on” and “let it go,” but don’t rush it. Issues not resolved now will only grow into fights later. Take the time you need to fully deal with the pain.

And while it’s true you will never “forget” what happened, if you allow God to touch every shadowy place, there will come a day when the memory is transformed from a source of pain to a reminder of God’s goodness. You will look back and remember how God was able to rebuild your marriage.


Kathleen Notes: Separation can be seen as a tool to rebuild. Hard work for sure but also an opportunity to grow in The Lord and in the marriage.

- - Volume: 9 - WEEK: 15 Date: 4/8/2021 8:50:50 AM -