Your influence with your child depends on how connected they feel to you. I know YOU feel connected. But does your child feel understood, even when they don`t get what they want? Does your child trust that you`ll respond when they need you? Does your child feel accepted as they are, even though they`re not perfect? Does your child trust that you can manage your temper, rather than indulging your own frustration or trying to scare them into cooperating? 

If your child won`t listen, start by consciously connecting, to strengthen and sweeten your relationship.

• Look for every opportunity to empathize, especially as you set limits and redirect. "That looks like so much fun.... You love racing your truck around the house....  And I`m worried that crashing it like that could scrape up the wall, so we need to find a safe place for you to crash."
• Commit to 15 minutes minimum of one-on-one Special Time to connect with each child daily.
• Roughhouse to get your child laughing every single day. (This builds trust and connection, as well as reducing stress hormones.)
• Welcome your child`s tears when they need to cry, even when it`s because you`re saying no. (You don`t change your limit. You just empathize with how much they wish you would say Yes.)

Within a week of this focus on connecting, you`ll see your child start to pay more attention when you ask for their cooperation.

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Kathleen Notes: It`s hard to have to say no. The secret is in the strength of the relationship. That`s where your real influence comes from.